Tag Archives: Johnny Depp

Ironman 3 Opening And What It Means For Marvel

Marvel is now officially on top of the world. Ironman 3 has opened 175 Million it’s first weekend in the U.S. Alone, and has grossed 680,000,000 WorldWide in the past 10 days.  That’s the second highest opening save the Avengers last year and it looks as if Ironman will be the highest grossing film of the year, and definitely the summer.  This is  the moment that officially marks Marvel as a brand to be reckoned with.

Summer of 2011 Thor and Captain America performed Modestly with both around 400 Millionand 350 Million , both really good starts for B- List comic book characters.  Marvel’s A List Characters are Hulk, Fantastic Four, Xmen, Spiderman, and DeadPool, and seeing as Marvel only has one of those properties they’re doing extremely well.  Avengers last year was predicted to only make around 800,000,000.  I say only like that’s not a lot of money, but Marvel has always been the underdog of Geek Properties. Needless to say it made that in foreign release only and caught everybody by surprise. It was better then we could’ve hoped, and a lot of people went back to see it multiple times. I saw it twice in one night.  So of course same situation with Ironman 3, People are expecting Man of Steel to do better, and Ironman to make only around 700,000,000 Million.  Welp once again through great marketing, risky choices, and overall quality Ironman 3 has made that in it’s first week and a half. So what exactly does this mean for Marvel Studios.

This may still be a little pre mature, but basically it means they have a license to print money.  As long as they keep on a winning streak Marvel movies will continue to out perform and make more money because of the shared universe aspect. Marvel is pretty much going to make at least a billion a year, at least, not even counting The Avengers gross. And even if Avengers 2 doesn’t gross as much as Avengers 1, it will still be made up from the boost of the individual movies. It overall increases an interest in the characters and individual franchises.  The beauty of it is that marvel hasn’t made a bad film yet, and the chances of franchise fatigue is really low, since we only get a Thor or Ironman movie every three years as opposed to every other year or every year.  People are excited for properties that were before just for comic book fans.  Marvel’s Phase Two will be extremely lucrative.

What’s it mean for new properties coming out?  They’ve confirmed a Doctor Strange, Guardians of the Galaxy, and an Ant-Man,  adaptions to come out.  Now this is where it might be back to square one, as none of these properties are very well known, but the entire idea is to use the avengers as a spring board to propel other movies to more public interest.  Guardians of the Galaxy is already selling more comic books and if done right will be sort of another Avengers except in space.  I imagine one more sequel will be announced for Phase 3, possibly Thor or Captain America, or possibly even Guardians, which has a chance of making a lot of people new fans.

Basically the Reason everybody loves Marvel is because they’re the best of both worlds.  They have the Disney Marketing Machine which will make the movie appeal to wide audiences, but Marvel will make sure every movie is of quality first and the fans will be the first ones served.  It’s a dream come true, a studio that cares about making money, but also about making good movies first and foremost, and this is a giant nail in the coffin to the other studios trying to imitate their business model, looking at you DC and Fox.

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The Place Beyond The Pines – An Awkward Review

There’s a class of movies that deserve “Almost Oscars”.  These are movies that are quite good, but not quite Oscar Caliber film making.  Something Like Looper, Drive, Scott Pilgrim, movies that are really great, but not something that should win Best Picture.  Well with Place Beyond The Pines we have something that Almost deserves an almost Oscar.

This is a crime drama from Derek Cianfrance , featuring a fantastic cast.  This is a movie about fathers and sons, choices and decisions and consequences and is a massive undertaking of storytelling and a very ambitious movie.  The story spans two generations of a cop and a criminal and their sons.  It stars 3 of my personal favorite actors Ryan Gosling, Dane Dehaan, and Bradley Cooper who are all fantastic.

Now right off the bat I had a grudge against this movie.  First of I don’t believe any movie should be over 2 hours long.  Film makers should keep their audiences in mind when making these movies and generally speaking most of the movies over 2 hours don’t need to be that long.  Not to say I don’t like long movies, but it takes fantastic editing, story structure, and story pacing to make it work.  So when I saw this movie was 2 hours and 20 minutes I already stuck my lip out to pout at it. I can’t stand really slow meandering movies that are under the guise of atmosphere or intellectualism.

Another thing that had me worried is a usually don’t like these multiple storyline crime dramas.  Crash was cool, Pulp Fiction and Go made it work, but almost every other time they don’t work for me.  I thought this was going to be one of those gimmicky movies were all the stories would intertwine and the characters would meet every once in a while, and those can be fun, but this looks like it’s going for the gold.

The best and worst thing I can say about this movie is that it’s basically 3 different movies in one that tell one narrative.  A lot of the reasons that these multiple time line movies don’t work is because usually one is better or more engaging then the other and maybe one drags.  Another problem is one might get too much attention and the other might be under developed.  All 3 segments here are given equal development and time focused, I’m going to give each Segment it’s impression since it’s so fragmented, and also strangely congealed.

The First segment has Ryan Gosling realizing he has a son, and trying to be involved in his life.  The reason this segment works is because we all know his character.  It’s a good guy who can’t help but stay in trouble with the law, but has a heart of gold.  Ryan plays it well with not too much attitude or “swagger”.  It also works in that sort of predictable story told really well sort of way.  You can pretty much tell how it’s going to play out, but what makes it good is the knife twisting as the tension ratchets up constantly. It also had me reassured because it’s very tight and moves just fast enough while giving enough development to make it work.  This is where the writing, acting, direction, and score really come together to make a damn good short film and start of the movie. Excellent start, I almost advice turning the movie off at that point, because it peaks at that point.

Next is the Bradley Cooper as the cop.  His segment starts after the Ryan Gosling segment and here is when the movie starts to lose it’s punch after a while, but it’s still hanging in there.  Once again very predictable what’s going to happen, but it’s still got tension and recurring themes of consequence and choices.  Acting good, direction still good.  The problem is that while the first segment had an excellent solution and set up, here the solution is really weak, which takes the wind out of the momentum the movie had.  Everything’s just a notch down, but I’m still hanging with it.

The Third Segment is where the movie turns into what I was afraid of.  The tightness and focus is gone along with the tension.  It’s just waiting for the big reveal.  And this brings in a complaint with one of the actors the son of Bradley Cooper’s character.  Now Bradley Cooper is the cop, and Ryan Gosling’s is the criminal , but for some reason Bradley Cooper’s son is a wigger.  It’s still a good performance but it’s really weird and off putting at times.  And once again the segment really just drops the ball on the ending.

Now the reason I really liked this film is that it is basically one really long story and they don’t use any narrative tricks or fancy editing to tell the story, it’s very traditional.  Part of me thinks that maybe they should’ve used the segment with the sons as a frame story and then let the movie play out as a sort of mystery.  But really that’s not the problem.  The problem is that the story is just top heavy.  They simply had a better beginning then the ending and the movie just continuously drops in quality.  It’s not a significant drop, but you do notice.  And even where it ends up isn’t even that bad it’s just a disappointment given the excellent start.  Overall I’m glad I saw it, I wouldn’t rush out to go see it, but if it’s playing in your city check it out, or even better catch it on Redbox on a Lazy Sunday and you’ll enjoy it that much more.

Ironman 3 a dissapointment?

Just saw Ironman 3 last night, and wow did I enjoy it.  I’m not going to say I love it yet, I want to go see it again to really get a feel for it.  I think the biggest hurdle this movie has is the fact that it’s not a superhero movie anymore.  It’s much more of a thriller, maybe a little Jason Bournish, with a mystery all through it.  This is not a review, this is purely a comparison to the Ironman Franchise, including Avengers.

This is the mis steps Ironman 3.  This is a mixed complaint, but the movie doesn’t have a really fast pace or great story structure.  There’s no 3 act template so the movie, probably on only the first viewing,, doesn’t seem to have a direction for a lot of it. The story is also very untraditional.  A british screenwriter Drew Pearce wrote the script with Shane Black and you can really feel his hand here.  It feels like a new franchise, and a new character.  there’s also a real lack of action during the beginning. Also the snappy dialogue is gone and it’s more of a dry wit sort of thing, so it’s not as funny, whilst still being pretty funny. The complaints that I have are more in the comparison with The Avengers then Ironman 2.  There’s also a character moment that I won’t spoil that personally I enjoyed, but I can understand why people found it unsatisfactory.

Now the positives, and there are many, is that this is the most mature Marvel film out of the bunch, and while I did complain that Tony Stark wasn’t swarmy or Jokey enough, that’s the point, he’s not the smooth talker anymore, we get a little bit of it in the beginning, but now he’s out of his element.  The humor is darker and more specific dialogue then the rapid fire style of the first two.  But Ironman 2 was too jokey with lazy humor, people talking over each other, and it really wan’t all that funny.  This is a new side of Tony Stark, much more vulnerable and frightened almost frail portrayal.

This movie is ultimately a left turn for the franchise, instead of being a traditional action movie, it’s a thriller.  As a thriller it’s pretty bad ass, It wasn’t very convoluted it has good villains, really good acting,and a real sense of threat.  Most of the time Ironman is in a defective suit and can’t fight the way he usually does adding a sense of danger, that was missing in Avengers and Ironman 2.  Also the villain to me hands down is a mass improvement for the franchise, much more clear motivations, and a plan that’s actually excellent.

Basicaly all my complaints with Ironman are in comparison with Avengers, it was hard to top and I don’t think they were trying to do that, I think they were trying to make a tony stark centric story and focus back on the characters.  In comparison with Ironman 2, it’s a much more superior film, in almost every fashion.  So for anybody wondering it’s better then Ironman 2 not as good as Avengers.  If you come in expecting Avengers you will be utterly disappointed. I’m finding more things to appreciate it the more I think about it

GangSter Squad, the entitled of bloggers, and the dumbing down of movie audiences

There’s a certain entitlement you get when you attach yourself to a particular group of people. Not only am I a film buff, but I am also a Blogger, so needless to say I have my nose pretty far up in the air.  A big problem I have is judging people based off their taste in entertainment.  Now this isn’t just me in person or anything it’s usually somebody raving about a movie that I deem is terrible.

Now I’ve dedicated a significant amount of time to not only filming but creative writing, so I can consider myself a somewhat authority, whilst not being supreme.  Just like how somebody who plays Sports, watches sports, and play fantasy league is the authority on Football.  But when I think a movie is all around bad, and I see a Facebook update about how good it is I wince.  Maybe even roll my eyes, and sometimes I have to remind myself that liking a bad movie isn’t a reflection of intelligence, just like liking a good movie or a movie I deem good make me any smarter.  There’s just a lot of factors that go into a good movie that other people don’t recognize or even look for.  Story Structure, Editing, Pacing, etc.  And there’s nothing wrong with anybody enjoying anything.  I liked For Colored Girls , as an absurd comedy, but I’d still watch it again.  Sometimes I wonder where does the general audience fall on movies, and if they know something is bad.

There are certain movies I hate.  Generally speaking they’re usually really lazy, or have bad logic or character motivations. Basically if you have potential you use it.  My least favorite movies are the ones that get by solely on having an ensemble cast.  Expendables and Red come to mind.  To me both extremely mediocre movies that have no business on anything other then a Redbox Exclusive.  The reason I hate these movies is because of the lack of effort.  Say what you will about Twilight, it’s polishing a turd.  The best Twilight movie you could make would be a self aware parody of itself.  There is no real way to make a good Twilight movie.  But when you have a cast full of superstars, there’s absolutely no reason you should squander such talent.  There’s no excuses.

So coming back to this wonderful audience who I constantly remind myself, I am not better then them, I wonder when does an audience stop appreciating a movie on a purely visceral or base experience and when does it begin to become a good movie for them?  All the time, I look at the number one movie in the U.S. and think “wow that’s a shame”.  But who says Audiences are going into Transformers to see Citizen Kane.  With Movies like Stark Trek, Avengers, and Fast and Furious you can have exciting action and still have a good movie with it.  Not every movie has to be an Oscar Film.  And hell most of the films getting Oscars, I don’t think deserve them either. Hollywood can’t win with me.  But maybe some audiences like movies because they’re tailored for them, just like naturally I was going to enjoy Avengers.

That being said, a movie that I openly despise is coming out on Bluray recently.  The movie called “GangStar Squad” is everything I hate about a movie while admittedly being not bad.  Maybe I was disappointed, this has maybe one of the greatest ensemble cast of the year.  There was a lot in place to make this a good movie.  Great actors, a new director who had a hit with ZombieLand, and really interesting marketing.  The trailers led me to believe this was a really smart tongue in cheek homage to classic gangster movies, while discussing itself as a generic action movie.  What I got was the generic action movie.

Let me talk about on a purely non biased non personal level what’s wrong with this movie. First off everything is a cliche.  EVERYTHING.  If you played a drinking game with water, how many times you can call how a scene will play out you’d  overdose on water.  I’m meeting the movie on every level, but it just sinks.  At a certain point I just said to myself ” If the action is good we’re okay” but no the action scenes are boring, and filmed flatly.  It’s all cookie cutter and dull.  The performances are okay, and the script is absolutely anemic.  No character development , just cliches, can’t blame the director , but he’s losing credibility with me by the second.

Now the reason part of me hates this movie is because of what it represents.  The audience wash’t coming out saying ” oo that was fun” they are saying “that was a good movie” , now this has happened before, but it’s usually a specific audience, say tweens coming out of twilight or black people, i’m black it’s okay, out of  a Tyler Perry film.  This movie gets off purely on it’s star power , and marketing rather then any actual quality.  And I get that some people don’t watch as much movies as me, probably doesn’t recognize some cliches, but I can’t point out how many moments are stolen from other movies.  Is what’s considered a good movie becoming less and less selective?  Or do people really vote with their wallets.  Overall, I just have to remind myself, in retrospect it doesn’t really matter, Audiences will see what they want to see , and really bad lazy movies will be #1, great movies will struggle in the box office, and occasionally you’ll get a Limitless and Source Code which will outperform expectations critically and finically, one can only hope Audiences and Snobby Film Buffs like me can try to see eye to eye more.

Why Tropic Thunder Should’ve Won An Oscar

In 2008 There was two geek properties that had a match lit under them.  On of these properties was The Dark Knight.  Everything about this movie was on point.  The Marketing was great, it had a great director, but what really set it off was it’s iconic villain. The Joker, who has steadily changed the face of villains for time to come.  He was smart, funny cool, and had a real distinct look about him.  Most of all he was terrifying.  Everything about this performance was on point.  The voice, the clothes, the posturing, even Heath Ledger’s unfortunate passing bled into the mystique of the character.

The other geek property which set fire to the industry if not more so.  Ironman was a slightly smaller hit, I remember when it came out everybody referred to it as ” better then Spiderman”  Ever since TDK came out there was a blatant turn on spiderman by the general public , but before that it was the pinnacle of superhero movies.  Ironman ushered in a wave of spinoffs prequels, and worked in the concept of a shared universe among movies which had only been hinted at before.

Ironman ultimately got overshadowed by TDK, but not completely gobbled up like The Incredible Hulk.  In retrospect I prefer Ironman over The Dark Knight, and my love for Robert Downey Jr. blossomed.  Later that summer Tropic Thunder came out.  A movie directed by Ben Stiller, which I thought I would hate, but actually liked it okay.  Everytime I see it I find new things to love about it and it gets better every time, but one thing that stood out was Kirk Lazarus as an Irish Award season darling, who was playing a black soldier in a Vietnam war movie.  It sounds dumb, and it was, but in the best way possible.

Now I’m going to be hypothetic as I would never take an Oscar from the Great Ledger, but let’s say Heath hadn’t tragically passed, who he had deserved an Oscar? Any other year I’d say yes, but here I  gotta say no.

Ironically everything you can say good about Heath’s performance you can say about Downey’s.  Heath Stole every scene he was in, he had several ticks, he made the movie.  Same can be said as Robert.  Only one was funny and one was terrifying.  There’s even a level of make up that adds to the parallel performances, and makes them more interesting aesthetically.  Nominations were announced and Robert got himself nominated for an Oscar for best supporting.

To me the best thing about Robert’s performance is the layers of character and irony. ” I’m a dude playing a dude disquised as another dude”.  It’s a real statement on actor’s and the ways actors get Oscars.  In some ways it’s an Oscar bait performance mocking oscar bait performances.   You have the total unrecognizable transformation, the make up, and the double accent.    Same can be said as Heath’s performance. Except one is the definitive supervillian and one is black face.  You can’t sum up RDJ’s performance in one sentence and do it justice.  It’s a parody of Russell Crowe and Daniel Day Lewis, it’s also a statement on how actors transform themselves whilst having an actor transform himself, it’s also a statement on how far actors are willing to take risky career choices for an Oscar, whilst once again having an actor take a risky career movie, it’s also a parody of Robert Downey Jr himself, it’s also a metaphor for not knowing who you really are. The fact that the Academy actually nominated this performance is hilarious in itself.

The Joker is just crazy, which can be interesting and is, but Kirk Lazarus is also crazy, and we really delve into his character’s psyche.  We get a very subtle understanding of why he does what he does, and we understand this.  The Joker doesn’t really get any real explanation, and why that makes for him being more captivating it doesn’t add for a more fleshed out character, which to me lends itself to a better performance.

Top 5 Let-downs of the Summer

Continuing with my last point, 2012 is a rough year for movies. The last two years where undeniably great, while this one is just meh. Then The Avengers came and surprised everybody by not only having lots of explosions and special effects, but by having a heart, and having every part of the ensemble in top-gear, and being one of the funnest movies I’ve seen. Then.. Nothing. No other movies came out that even approached the Avengers. Here’s my top list for 5 lists for disappointments of the summer. Granted none of these movies are bad per see. Just big let downs for people out of it’s core fan bases.

5. The Dark Knight Rises

Let’s start this list right. The mighty Dark Knight falls. On it’s face several times. There’s three real problems with this movie. One Nolan tries too hard to make this feel like it’s an important piece of film. So much so he forgets to make a superhero movie. Except a few moments that feel  like he put them there. I’m not going to spoil anything but basically Batman puts a big ass Bat symbol in the middle of Gotham for no real reason. Stupidest shit ever. Also the dialogue is horrendous. He works best when Batman is more of a symbol as opposed to a superhero. That’s when you get lines like “I’m the hero Gotham needs, not the one it wants”. That corny shit they put on the poster. Next He’s making a crowd-pleaser. Anybody with a brain could figure it out but for my readers who just got a lobotomy, it’s for a broad audience. Nolan has no teeth, that’s why there are no on-screen deaths, No real violence to speak of and everything in the last hour is predictable. I’ve never seen a Nolan movie that doesn’t get lazy at the end. Even Inception buckled under it’s own weight in the last 15 minutes.

Lastly there’s so much to digest, and the sloppy editing doesn’t help.A good conclusion needs to feel like it completes the series, answers all the questions, and needs to feel like all hell broke loose. TDKR does none of the aforementioned. There’s no real tension because we know all the characters are going to be okay and it’s a Nolan movie. They could easily make a new movie, hell like two movies and they did a terrible job of concluding the series. The returning characters are no different then where they start, Lucius Fox getting once again next to no screen time, and Officer Gordon doing basically the exact same shit he did in the last movie. The problem with wanting to make everything important is that he adds unnecessary undertones to everything. Bane is a solid villain, even though he’s really copy of the joker (Note the facial deformity, the hidden face in the intro, and even having basically the same plan on a larger scale), but I really think he could easily be a great villain. Nope. Not only does the twist at the end undercut his entire character, but his political views contradicts his plan. He wants to have an anarchy basically, which we never see play out, and then he plans to blow up the city.. How about you stick to one or the other. Not to mention the movie is long as shit, for no reason. It takes Nolan an hour and a half what would take any other director half that. Then you have more time for character development, and letting all these themes of identity, self-preservation, and darwinism come into play. Once again , not a bad movie. Just a sloppy, long, kind of boring, disappointing one. Not to act like there’s nothing positive, but everything they do right is completely ruined by a decision made later in the movie.

It’s not higher on the lists because I really didn’t expect too much from it to begin with. I love Dark Knight, but it basically had a few of the same issues, but everything I saw from the trailer made me figure out I probably wouldn’t enjoy it that much. The problem with wanting to be so relevant is you look at it more closely then you would say Ironman or X-Men. Ironman and X-Men had political statements that wasn’t too obvious and really anybody could understand. Respectively, Responsibility and Equality. Simple, you learn that in Kindergarden . You can’t rap up Bane’s political agenda in one word or even a paragraph. If you want to make a real movie make it, get your head out of your own ass and just make a political thriller or a superhero movie. Anybody who thinks I’m crazy you’re probably a fan boy and wanted to do all the extra work that the film made you do to enjoy it. I didn’t so there you go.

4. Prometheus

Now I could put Dark Knight Rises and Prometheus on the same bracket because they have the same problems. Bloated length, illogical character motivations, contradicts it’s own themes, overstuffed, and a false sense of self importance. First off, I needed to do several hours of research to figure out this movie. Anytime a movie makes you so intrigued you go off and do research outside of it that’s great. Anytime a movie Requires you to go off and do research it automatically gets knocked a few notches down. Now when I mean several hours, I mean SEVERAL HOURS. Between youtube, wikipedia, and a bunch of lists, I got it down what the movie wanted to get across. Still, several notches down.

Positives. This is actually an easy section to write because there are a lot of positives. I can understand why some people, who actually followed the movie and love Aliens, could love it. I could see even enjoying it completely in the dark. But as I discussed a positive can easily become a strike against the film if followed up poorly. The visuals ride the line between physical and clearly CGI but are incredible, jaw-dropping in some parts. The only minor complaint is that since it’s a prequel the technology looks so futuristic it doesn’t fit, but I can let that go because they’re so many beautiful images in this movie. The performances are still great. And when they aren’t it feels like the scripts fault, but Ridley Scott’s strength is clearly in set design and working with actors. Micheal Fassbender… Ahhhhh he’s so dreamy. And creepy. And fun to watch. If he doesn’t get, no win, a Best supporting Oscar Trophy I’ll be mad. The atmosphere works great through the whole movie. Here’s where the line grays. The story works great at the start, it’s a slow-burn but it’s taking it’s time it feels like it’s leading up to something.

But….as the story progresses it hits the half way mark and gets dumber and dumber and dumber and dumber, while still pretending to be a smart movie. When you take away all the fixings it’s your typical space horror movie. The fixings being psychological jargon, metaphors, and so much ambiguity. It feels like the writer didn’t know the answers to the questions he presented so he said fuck it we’ll make a mystery where none of the questions get answered people will call it brilliant. No..No…NO. Mr. Screenwriter you’re the sole reason this movie is weak. Everything but your smart stupid ass script works. But then you come in and throw a wrench at the whole thing. Everything that can be wrong with a script is here. Overarching themes, stupid characters, overly insightful characters, too much ambiguity, poor dialogue, just overall sloppy. This script needed to be tight and this easily could’ve been one of the best movies in the world. The writer even acknowledged they should get somebody else. It would’ve taken like a week to just punch up this script and make it good again. Nope I’ve been noticing that a lot. Dark Knight I’m looking at you buddy.

3. The Amazing Spider-man

Now I love Comic Book Movies. They’re basically character studies that get millions of dollars and get to be epic and dark and funny possibly all at the same time. Now my favorite CBM is Spiderman 2. No Ironman. No Avengers…. No Spiderman 2 actually. Sam Raimi took a great comic book hero and made this magical movie that did the best possible job in adapting a comic book. He got the spirit of the character and the comic right, while also putting his own spin , Much like Nolan with Batman, and Matthew Vaughn with Kick-ass. Crafting a movie that’s fun on the exterior and dark and depressing on the inside. So to say I have a chip on my shoulder for the reboot, is an understatement. The Spiderman trilogy is my favorite. I even liked Spiderman 3 a lot. So I hated it before it even came out, and I still came out disappointed.

The New Spiderman is okay. It’s not horrible, it’s not bad, it’s just okay. The problem is it has an entire trilogy of movies hovering over it’s shoulder. It’d be different if it’s just one movie, but no 3 separate movies it has to be better than. Basically Sam Raimi scored a 100 percent. There was no conceivable way to make this reboot work as well as the original. I don’t know why they didn’t just make a sequel with a new guy and director. The acting doesn’t have that charm as the originals, the action scenes don’t come close. Not even the special effects, the one thing that could work.. They look.. like special effects. The original two movies where stuck in that golden age of film making where CGI and pratical effects met in the middle and created a genuine look that can never be recreated. ASM has special effects that look like any other movie out there. Now with Avengers you have the epitome of a fun superhero film and Dark Knight you have the opposite in an, arguably, dark realistic tone. It kind of just floats somewhere in the middle not really committing to one side, unlike the original which ended up working as both very well. As a kid I watched it and loved it then grew up as a teen and appreciated the more moody aspects and related to them. This is like Twilight meets Spiderman. And I have to keep bringing up the original since it just ended 5 years ago. It dips into too much of the moody stuff instead of keeping it hidden under the surface. If this was the first movie, it’d probably be a little better but it did feel like set-up so we’ll see how the next one does.

2. Dark Shadows

My main fear with this list is that I would alienate people, but this is not a problem for Dark Shadows. Nobody saw it , Nobody cares about it, and it pretty much flopped at the box office. Normally this is the kind of movie that’s really fun, a little goofy, but no this has to be the dullest vampire movie i’ve seen in a while. Really all these movies are on this list because they have a decent start decent end but kind of just take a nap in the middle. This doesn’t have that decent ending to back it up. There’s only two good thing in this movie. The visuals and set designs and Eva Green. She plays the worst psycho ex girlfriend ever. She goes from looking absolutely sexy to fucking crazy every time she’s on screen. I wish this movie was better because she honestly deserves Best Supporting, but Tim Burton pretty much ruins any chances of that by having her be in one of the worst sex scenes I’ve ever scene.. Ha.. Johnny Depp is kind of just phoning it in, I’m not sure to blame the script him or Mr. Burton so I’ll pass it around. The underlying problem is the tone and the decisions. It’s so goofy, then it tries to be really scary. And when I say goofy, I mean like Looney Toons type shit. Besides Eva Green a complete and total waste of time.

1. The Expendables 2

Now I actually hate this movie. I hate this movie I hate the last one I hate what it stands for. HATE. This has to be the laziest fan service movie I’ve ever seen. When you do a team movie right you’re effectively making a movie better than any standard movie of the genre. That’s why Toy Story is better than Shrek. Lord of The Rings is better than Harry Potter. Why Avengers is better than Dark Knight. If done right, every actor can turn in a memorable performance and also the pacing can improve since the screen time is spread out more cuts which means faster editing.

Now this isn’t an ensemble. This isn’t even a team movie. There’s no since of “We need this guy for this” or “wow that guy is a badass”. Nobody in this series has any personality, beyond what kind of weapon they use. They don’t even have a good performance to carry the movie. There’s literally nothing good in this movie. It’s dumb but not dumb fun just dumb lazy. The villain name is Villan.. No irony seriously that’s his name. The action scenes aren’t even all that good, only having a few moments of inventiveness, but mostly being routine and outright confusing. The worst part is most of the actors here can do combat. You have three action stars, a master martial artists, a lineman, and a UFC fighter. If Jackie Chan did the choreo we’d have a bad ass movie on our hands, but nope.

This movie shows a devolution of what we call an action movie. Horror movies and comedies are already in the shitter but action is slowly sinking to their level. There’s no effort they have a cast that could be decent with an okay script and good direction, but nope both are terrible. Really the cast isn’t that great either the only one I’d consider a good actor is…… I guess Stallone, but he’s been in his fair share of shitty movies himself so yeah.. All they said was “If we get all these guys together people will come see it and love it.. A script.. Yeah I got my 13 year old nephew he writes fan-fiction he’ll take care of that”. I said none of these are bad movies but this one is easily a bad movie, I’m out.